Odds are, at some point in your life you will find yourself in a “toxic” relationship.

As soon as you point your finger, another is pointed back at you.

Towards the end, everything becomes one jumbled mess of pain and heartache. A lot of the time, once it’s over,  we wonder why we stayed for so long.

I know from my experience, I am not completely absent from blame. Many times both parties in the relationship had been victimized and the tangled web of hurtful words and actions became indistinguishable.

It took a frank conversation with family members to get me to the point of ending the relationship. But, no matter how much I had been hurt and knew I hurt him I STILL craved a relationship with this person.

Toxic relationships can do this to a person.

At a certain point, we become accustomed to the chaos.

But why do we continue to put ourselves through this?

Why do we not get out of the relationship before its wreckage has piled up so high it seems impossible to break through?

I wish I had answers. But no how many articles I read about toxic relationships, or how many times my family members came to me with worried eyes after an explosive phone call, I was not able to see how this relationship was deeply affecting me.

I can not emphasize enough the importance of listening to yourself and your feelings, while also understanding you cannot fix people.

If you start noticing behaviors in your relationship that are troubling or cause you distress, do not ignore them. Saying “I love you” more, or spending more time with that person will probably not make that person love you any more.

If you feel unappreciated, giving your significant other the world will likely not change that. Making unhealthy sacrifices in your own life to make them feel more secure will not make everything better.

We tend to think each bad fight might be the last one, each hurtful comment, each tearful phone call will be the last time.

It’s not. I promise.

If you find yourself settling into this pattern, I urge to you look at your relationship from a loved one’s perspective. Often times I would use the excuse, “My parents don’t know my relationship. They do not see all the good things he’s done for me.” But they did hear me yelling from my bedroom on the phone, or crying after trying to prove to my significant other that I was not seeing anybody else.

Since ending my relationship, I have truly found myself. Instead of putting all of my energy into “fixing” it  and contributing to the chaos that it was, I am now taking care of myself.

I started focusing on friendships I had neglected during the duration of my relationship and have apologized to those I hurt with my absence.

The damage and chaos of a toxic relationship is not worth the absence of loneliness being with someone provides.

If you feel that you may be involved in a toxic relationship, lean on those that love you. And realize you are not alone. Making the decision to end a relationship is always scary. Nobody wants to feel alone, or like they failed.

But I promise you, as you begin to heal, you will know it is the best decision you ever made.

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